31 Dec 2010

Accidentally, today i want to post someone's love story on my blog. maybe to make me feel that something miracle can happens :)

"well we had started talking before we came to college (like almost all of the gays here at my school did) and we were friendly and things seemed great, but I had gotten into another boy before hand so it didn’t go further than that. We got to school and I had completely had my heart broken by this other boy and I was just devastated.
Eventually he messaged me again on msn and asked if I had wanted to go to lunch and through chatting we found out that we both lived in the same dorm (excellent perk!) We went on a lunch date it was one of the most awkward days ever because they boy who had broken my heart had showed up and asked to eat with us and I had just hated every single moment of it. We continued talking and asking each other random questions. I remember one night we went into our school’s arboretum and sat on a picnic table and talked about our insecurities and home and everything in between. I also remember that I discovered he had a crush on two people on campus, me and this other girl, and we played coy not saying that we liked each other. Finally, he asked to be my boyfriend and we even ended up being in the same play during our first semester :P
Now we’ve been together for 3 years! I’m sure he’ll read this later so hopefully I haven’t forgotten anything :3"
from myuz

30 Dec 2010

I hate it when I have to borrow someone's thoughts to describe mine, but here I go anw..

'I am currently single. actually fuck that, not just “currently”…I’ve never dated anyone in my entire life. Yeah that may be hard for you guys to believe, but its the truth. I’m very insecure when it comes to dating someone, mostly because of my trust issue with people. Like I said before I trust way to many people and everyone I know has let me down in some way. So I feel that I don’t want to get into a relationship and fall in love with someone, and in the end get let down worse than anyone else has. I’m afraid of getting hurt by someone I love. I’ve hooked up with people, and have been flirty, and have come close to dating, but in the end I guess its always me that backs away, and it sucks. I don’t want to get hurt yet I feel really lonely that I don’t have that one person who makes me feel amazing. That one person who makes me be happy to be alive. And that feeling for the last few months has been overpowering the feeling of being afraid of getting hurt, so I believe come the New Year, I finally want to open myself up and start dating and find the one thats meant for me.'
- from Lucas.

Ps: those feelings completely fit me.
Here I am again, another insomnia night. Everyone can tell, as long as I'm into the dark night, I always think too much, especially tonight while listening to Michael Bublé's songs (Put your head on my shoulder, Lost, End of may, Best of me). I don't understand myself now, I can't decide what I want or what I need, I'm wasting my life time, standstill here and many of my friends out there are catching their chances, and move on.

Some of them often remind me of the value of me, that I have my very own ability/talent/potentiality. but why do I not know what I am or who I want to be? and how can I live my this gay life which I did not any chance to choose? and when will I escape this terrible place to anywhere else where is always better than here? I'm on my way to answer those obsessed questions.

I know I have to be stronger because of fate's decision, but you know, sometimes it's too hard for me to handle. May I just give up?

To myself: never listen to MB at night again !!!

18 Dec 2010

Như một trò chơi quên nhớ, mình luôn là người thua cuộc vì luôn quên những điều không được quên và luôn nhớ những điều không nên nhớ.
có những người, dù đi hết đến cuối đoạn đường đời, vẫn không thể hiểu được nhau, nhìn thấy nhau, và quan trọng hơn hết là yêu nhau.


since the day i started to use tumblr (thanks to Ashley), I've learned how to live my own life easier :). i stop thinking much about other people before doing something. i begin to think more, talk less (and it's somehow killing me haha). and last but not least, i realize that i'm not alone in this world. there are so many people out there suffering what life is treating them, being affraid to come out to their friends/family, standing how even people they love cannot accept them, living by themselves alone, .... just like me here wondering who i really am. that's the life we get with no any choice, and we live with no any direction. however, we must move on no matter what happens in order to see what we are waiting for in such a long time, 'cause life keeps going on, time keeps going by and we keep growing up.
to be honest, i just wish i can die happy with whom i love when i am an old gay man.

17 Dec 2010

Today was a little crazy to me. Well, I woke up early in the morning to go to the uni where I fell asleep again almost the lecture time, then had a fight with a friend whose thoughts I have never known, then did some stuffs with some buddies, then came home to sleep and now woke up again tumblring (even tumblr has trouble right now) and trying to learn Spanish/Espanol/WHATEVER. Idk.. I'm still interested in it but it's driving me nuts and, I think this is the most important, I am too lazy to handle it =.=. Where's the old hard-working boy in me? Oh please please come back to meeeeeeeeeee you suck :(